Do you believe that feedback is a gift? What about those times when you’ve received feedback that really stung?
Think about all the positive praise and feedback you have received. If you’re anything like me, and most women I’ve worked with, you remember the negative feedback more than the positive.
You remember the ONE negative comment. You recall the ONE person who criticised your idea. Or the ONE person who didn’t like your approach.
It’s too easy to brush aside positive feedback
We brush aside the positive feedback (“oh it was nothing” or “it was pretty straightforward really” or “it didn’t take me long“). But when it comes to negative feedback or criticism (no matter how little there is), we tend to dwell on it and allow it to sway our decisions.
However you have choice.
You have power.
YOU decide whether to accept or reject feedback. You are in control.
Remember too that often, the feedback says more about the person GIVING the feedback than you receiving the feedback.
Negative feedback can really hurt
But criticism can really sting. What I’ve come to realise is that when feedback hurts, often it’s because it’s reflecting something that you believe or fear about yourself. I had a BIG lightbulb moment at the weekend.
Some of you may know that last year (before the big C struck me down), I had been planning to launch an online careers advice portal. I sent out a survey and got back lots of very positive feedback about content, affordability, accessibility etc.
Just one comment put the project on hold
However the ONE comment that I remember was about the cost.
And that ONE comment was enough to make me put the project on hold … for more than 12 months.
On Sunday, I re-read the feedback. What I noticed is the individual who used the word “expensive”, also talks about the hub being “affordable”.
Last year, all I saw was “expensive”.
Why just one word stopped me in my tracks
Given the money mindset blocks that I have been struggling with over the past few years, that one word was enough to stop me in my tracks.
(My money mindset blocks are one of the reasons why Jen Sincero’s You’re A Badass At Making Money made it to The Confident Mother Book Club.)
You see, integrity is one of my core values. I would be cut to the bone if people thought I over-charged. Sure, I know I’m not the cheapest coach. I’m not the most expensive either (by a long way).
My biggest fear
One of my biggest fears is that people will think “I’m not worthy [of their money]” or that “I’m exploiting their lack of confidence“.
I’ve just read Chapter 4 of Tara Mohr’s Playing Big. The timing was perfect:
“Since the criticism that most hurts us mirrors a negative belief we hold about ourselves, often what feels like a problem with painful criticism is really a problem with what we believe about ourselves. We’re upset not because so-and-so said what they said but because their saying it catalyzed us to more acutely feel the pain of what we believe – or fear – about ourselves.”
How do you respond to feedback?
I’m asking you to think about criticism or feedback that you’ve received that hurt. Could it be that it’s because it reflects something you believe or fear about yourself?
I hope this has got you thinking. Don’t let one word stop you in your tracks, like it did me.
As for me … I really am going to launch my online career confidence hub this year.
Give me the gift of your feedback today
I am absolutely committed to this project because I think it will be a powerful way to give all women affordable access to practical and straightforward careers advice and resources.
If you are a mum with a career or you plan to go back to a career, please take a few minutes to give me your feedback (and be in with a chance to win a year’s membership).
In return I promise to treat your feedback honestly, fairly and authentically without letting it stop me in my tracks this time.