Do you sometimes envy the idyllic blissful creative lives that other mums lead?
The mums who post on Facebook “Pottery painting this morning, then swimming at the frog slide and splash park, and now we’re having homemade pizza for tea before we meet up for the bat walk this evening“.
Do you silently curse the mums who upload cute photos of their gorgeous children splashing about together in the paddling pool, creating artistic jewellery from seashells or toddling about in the garden with mini bucket and spade?
Do you smile charmingly when the other mums share what they prepared from scratch for last night’s tea – courgette fusilli with tomato & basil sauce with a side salad of beetroot and watercress?
You do know that those mums post the best bits of their life? They share the nice bits. The good bits. The days that went well. Not the nights that didn’t. Not the dirty nappy explosions. Or the sinks full of washing up. Or the eggs that got dropped on the kitchen floor.
Those mums are just as vulnerable to sleepless nights. They’re just as likely to give their children crisps and sausage rolls as an emergency picnic in the garden because they didn’t get round to food shopping. Those mums feel like they spend all their time cleaning and tidying up. Or that they’re the only one in a house of five who notices the loo roll needs changing. Or leaves the dirty tissue on the floor by the settee for 4 whole days just to see if somebody else will notice it and put in the bin.
The thing about being a mum, the effortless confidence that others portray – YOU can have that too.
How do you get effortless confidence as a mum?
First up, let’s get clear that effortless confidence takes a little effort at first. With that caveat out of the way, here are 10 top tips on effortless confidence as a mum.
- Stop comparing your whole life as a mum with the wafer thin slices of the life of other mums that you see on Facebook or Instagram. Those mums are choosing not to share the bits of life that make them scream in frustration or cry in despair.
- Give yourself permission to not be a perfect mum. Perfection is impossible so don’t even try. When you try to be perfect, you are setting yourself up for failure. Believe me, life is easier when you stop trying to be perfect.
- Acknowledge the good stuff you do as a mum. All of it. Every single scrap of it.
- Get clear on what’s most important to you about being a mum: that might be providing meals cooked from scratch; or reading the bedtime story; or the home baked birthday cake; or designer clothes; or ballet lessons; or getting out of the house every day; or going to work so that you can afford nice holidays in sunny locations. Your ‘what’s important as a mum‘ will be different to mine.
- Ditch the guilt – if you feel guilty about what you are doing or not doing as a mum, recognise that as a sign that you need to do something different. You can use guilt positively. If you are feeling guilt about something of over which you have no control, then ditch the guilt. Don’t waste time feeling guilty.
- Focus on the time you do have with your children – you only need to be a good enough mother some of the time for your children to absolutely love and adore you. You don’t need to be the perfect mother. Our children want our presence, our undivided attention. They don’t need an action-packed day all day every day. Children love a simple pillow fight or to snuggle up to you while you watch a cartoon or read a book together.
- Accept support and help from others. If somebody offers to help you out, don’t be too quick to say “no thanks, I’m ok”. It’s ok to accept support and help from others. It doesn’t make you any less a mother.
- Take care of yourself – your own wellness, both physical and mental, is important. Be sure to take care of yourself – whether that’s time alone reading a magazine or a long soak in the bath or a run in the woods.
- Be honest when things go wrong. You’ll be surprised how receptive others can be when things go wrong, especially your children. It’s good for children to see that mistakes happen and that situations that go wrong can be handled. It’s a valuable life lesson.
- Practice effortless confidence. The more you effort you put into your effortless confidence, the more effort-less it feels.
What are your effortless confidence tips?
Effortless confidence does take effort. And remember that the mum sharing Facebook updates about pottery painting and homemade pizza – she has tough days too.
What about you? What are your tops tips for that effortless confidence as a mum? Do leave your best tip below.
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