In my last post I told you how I watched my husband and daughter leave in a taxi to the airport, leaving me alone and scared in Spain.
That first day on my own in Málaga felt very surreal. I felt so anxious, scared and alone.
I wasn’t sure if I’d made the right decision. And hey, I’ve done scarier things in the past. The fear will pass.
I had chosen to do this so I knew I had to put myself into a brave headspace and remind myself why I was doing this. Tell myself again about the benefits. Reflect on how it’s going to help me grow. Be grateful for the skills I have that will support this adventure.
Since then, I’ve been here in Spain on my own for over a week, and it’s only another week before I go home for a long weekend.
Plenty of time on my own means lots of time to reflect on my adventure, the mistakes I’ve made and how I’ll do this differently next time.
Timing
At first it seemed like a brilliant idea for my family to join me for two weeks so we have our family holiday in Spain. I’d never taken my daughters to Spain and it’s a country I absolutely adore. So we booked the trip for Easter to coincide with school holidays, as my husband is a teacher. And Easter in Spain for Semana Santa! What’s not to love.
Once they’d gone home, the thought of two weeks on my own felt almost unbearable.
I wished I’d arranged the dates so I was on my own for a week then two weeks with family then the fourth week on my own.
My dates were a bit inflexible because of my fixed-term contract at Macmillan Cancer Support and the fact that I’d been successful in applying for a co-lead on a walking holiday that starts next week.
Location
Oh my goodness, I really really wish I had checked out the location of the apartment and the geography of Málaga. We’re a long way out of the town centre. It’s a good 40 minute walk although we do have a small supermarket and a few bars about 15 minutes walk.
15 minutes sounds great doesn’t it. But who knew that Málaga was so hilly!
Being up so high means that I see beautiful sunsets every night but to get anywhere means walking up a long steep hill. Even the walk to the shop is 7 minutes up the hill and 7 minutes down the other side. So it’s a hill climb whether you’re going TO the shop or coming back from the shop. Though it does mean I’m building strong leg muscles.
I had imagined lots of train trips to local towns and villages. But the train system in Spain is nowhere near as good as Italy AND the train station is a 1 hour walk. Although I can get a bus, it’s 15 minutes down a long steep hill (and of course 15 minutes up when you get home).
Community
Next time I will look for a smaller town with more of a community feel. The apartment I’m staying in is beautiful. It’s clean, light and airy. It’s in a gated residential area. That means it feels very safe but it’s also very isolating because everyone’s at work during the day. And in the evenings, they’re busy doing family stuff.
When I do go into Málaga town centre, it’s full of tourists who just aren’t interested in talking to a lone female looking for a bit of company.
I had forgotten that Málaga is a region as well as being a city. I’d had this great idea of finding the local dance clubs (Salsa or jive), and making friends that way. But although there are lots of places, they are miles away and not easy to reach without a car.
Other reflections
Next time I will explore housesitting. That will also give me a dog or cat to look after. Preferably a dog so that I can take it for a walk.
I’ll think about further north in Spain because even in March/April, Málaga gets really hot and I’m not a hot weather person. I thought it would be nicely warm but it’s nicely warm and then some!
Or maybe Italy.
It has also occurred to me, I don’t even need to pick a country where I know some of the language. It could be Portugal or Greece or Sweden. But definitely Europe.
I hope these reflections on my learnings will help you avoid the mistakes I made if this is something you’re thinking about too.
I’d love to hear your thoughts.
It seems the mistake you make is not working on your codependency issues.
I’m a female living by myself precisely in Malaga. I’ve been here for four months and my experience has been completely different, and so has been my attitude. I’ve met a lot of solo females, of different ages, doing the same experiment and they also have a different attitude to yours.
If you struggle being alone for a week anywhere, but even more so in Malaga, that is a red flag of unresolved emotional issues.
As for Spain having worse transport infrastructure than Italy. I’d say go to Italy, you’ll be thankful for your experience in Malaga!
We tend to blame others and our circumstances instead of working on the issues inside of us.
Your post shouts lack of inner resources, but the great news is that this is something you can work on!
Thanks for your comment; it made me look again at what I’ve written because I don’t feel I have co-dependency issues or a lack of inner resources. Overall, though maybe not clear in this post, I’ve enjoyed my time in Malaga on my own. I’ve certainly not struggled being alone. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t do things differently next time.