How to develop resilience

Resilience came up as a discussion topic with a client today. We were discussing how developing resilience is an essential skill to be a confident mother.

I believe that my training as a confidence coach, and previously as a breastfeeding counsellor, have helped me to develop my resilience. Developing your resilience enables you to better deal with pressure, stress and overwhelm, thus reducing their impact on your life.

In my work with clients on a one-to-one or group basis, I always start by reflecting on the five Confident Mother elements: contribution | wellness | work | family and the feminine. We explore which of these elements is getting the most focus and attention from you. And this will vary at different stages in your life. Perhaps before children, work gets the most attention. In the first few weeks or months after birth, it’s likely that most of your energy and attention is focussed on family.

Developing your resilience, is about focussing on your wellness. Wellness is not just about your physical strength and health, but also your mental and emotional fitness. It’s hard to be confident if you’re not confident in your mind and body. You need mental, physical, and emotional strength to go and do what you want to do in the world.

So how do you develop your resilience?

Here are a few ideas on how you can develop your own resilience:

• good quality sleep on a regular basis (and yes I know that’s hard or even impossible if you have very young children)
• regular physical activity (it doesn’t need to be extreme sports – a brisk 20 minute walk outside every day will do wonders)
• use relaxation techniques such as meditation or mindfulness or whatever helps you to relax e.g. a long soak in the bath, painting …
• be comfortable saying no to things you don’t want to do
• when you are with your children, focus on being fully present rather than only being half present to what you are doing with them
• spend time with friends or family
• do something just for fun
• understand your boundaries
• accept that others have different viewpoints and opinions to you – that doesn’t make you wrong

And it’s this last idea in particular where I feel my training as a coach and counsellor has really helped me to develop resilience. I can accept that others do not think or feel or believe or behave the same way as me. That doesn’t make me wrong – it doesn’t make them wrong either. I can accept those differences of opinions or ideas without judging. Even when it’s my teenager daughter telling me that I’m a “harsh mother”. That’s her opinion – generally short-lived but it’s an opinion that I’m willing to accept as being her opinion.

So what about you? How are you developing your resilience? Do leave me a comment.

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