Yesterday at Baby Café Bromley, I had two mums with their eight-month-old babies.
Both mums were hoping to help their babies take a bottle.
Not because they wanted to stop breastfeeding, but because they wanted some flexibility. One wanted her baby to be able to have an occasional bottle. The other was thinking ahead to returning to work and wanted to know that her baby would be able to take milk from someone else.
What struck me was how similar their stories were.
Both babies had taken an occasional bottle when they were younger. Then, for various reasons, the bottles had stopped for a few weeks. One baby had been unwell. There had been hot weather and a change in routine. There had been time away.
And now, at eight months, neither baby wanted to know.
They would take a sip or two and then refuse the bottle altogether.
If you’ve been in this situation, you may recognise the feeling.
You’ve tried one bottle.
Then another.
Then another.
You’ve bought different teats. You’ve warmed the milk. You’ve tried it cold. You’ve tried expressed milk. You’ve wondered about formula. You’ve tried giving the bottle yourself and then wondered whether someone else should do it.
And still your baby says no.
First of all: you’re not doing anything wrong
I have seen this so many times over the years.
Parents sometimes arrive at a breastfeeding group with a bag containing ten, fifteen or even twenty different bottles because they’ve been told that perhaps their baby just needs the “right” bottle.
And then, a few weeks later, they come back and say:
“You know that very first bottle we tried? They’re taking it now.”
I’ve seen this happen often enough that I don’t think it’s always about the bottle.
Of course, babies have individual preferences and some babies may genuinely prefer one teat or bottle to another.
But there is so much more going on.
Where you are.
Who’s offering the bottle.
How your baby is feeling.
How hungry or tired they are.
What’s happening around them.
And, importantly, how you are feeling.
A bottle feels very different from breastfeeding
For a baby who is used to breastfeeding, drinking from a bottle is a completely different experience.
Even the teats described as being “closest to the breast” aren’t actually the same as a breast.
The feel in the mouth is different. The way the milk flows is different. And your baby has less control over the flow from a bottle.
When breastfeeding, your baby can suck, pause, suck again and pause. They have a lot of control over the rhythm of their feeding.
With a bottle, the milk can continue to flow.
This is one reason paced bottle feeding can be worth trying. It allows your baby to have more control over the flow and gives them opportunities to pause, rather than feeling as though they have to keep drinking.
You can find guidance on paced bottle feeding from NHS Start for Life and NCT also has information about bottle feeding.
And don’t assume that a “newborn” teat from one manufacturer will give you exactly the same flow as a newborn teat from another manufacturer. Teat sizes and flow rates aren’t standardised across brands.
So, yes, you can experiment with different teats.
But you don’t necessarily need to buy every bottle on the market.
Eight months is an interesting age
There’s something else I would have in mind with an eight-month-old.
At around this age, many babies are becoming much more aware of their surroundings and of the people they are attached to. Separation anxiety can also start to appear.
Your baby is beginning to understand that you are a separate person.
Which is wonderful developmentally, but can make separation feel rather alarming.
If you leave the room, your baby doesn’t yet have our adult understanding of time. They don’t know that you’re just going to the kitchen and will be back in two minutes.
And if they’re already feeling uncertain about being separated from you, introducing a new way of feeding at exactly the same time may feel like quite a lot.
So don’t be surprised if your eight-month-old who happily accepted a bottle at four months suddenly decides that the bottle is absolutely not happening.
It’s not necessarily a sign that you’ve missed your opportunity.
Take the pressure off
This is probably the most important thing I said to both mums yesterday.
Try to take the pressure off.
Because I know what happens when you have spent the last few weeks trying to get your baby to take a bottle.
You prepare the milk.
You get the bottle ready.
You think, Right. Today is the day.
And then your baby turns their head away.
You try again.
And your anxiety rises because you’re thinking:
“They’ve got to take this milk.”
Your baby may pick up on that tension.
Not because you’re doing anything wrong. Babies are simply very tuned in to the people caring for them.
So rather than making every bottle attempt the test, think of it as an opportunity for your baby to experiment.
No expectation that they have to finish the bottle.
No expectation that today has to be the day.
Just an opportunity to explore.
There are lots of things you can experiment with
You don’t need to try all of these at once. In fact, I wouldn’t.
Change one thing and see what happens.
You could try:
- expressed breast milk or formula, depending on what’s appropriate for your baby
- milk slightly warmed, or at a different temperature
- a different teat or flow rate
- paced bottle feeding
- offering the bottle after a breastfeed, rather than when your baby is very hungry
- having someone other than you offer the bottle
- you staying in the room
- you leaving the room
- you staying in the house
- you going out altogether
Some babies are much more willing to take a bottle when their breastfeeding parent isn’t around.
And some parents have found that having something that smells of mum nearby – perhaps a muslin or T-shirt that you’ve been wearing – can be reassuring.
There really isn’t one magic answer.
And please don’t feel that you have to use enormous amounts of milk while you’re experimenting. If you’re worried about wasting expressed milk or formula, putting a smaller amount in the bottle can take some of the pressure off you too.
And what if your baby still won’t take one?
This is the bit I really want you to know.
It is possible for your baby to return to breastfeeding after a period of taking bottles. And it is also possible for a baby who doesn’t take a bottle to continue breastfeeding when you return to work.
I have never had a parent come back to me and say, “My baby never took a bottle, so I couldn’t go back to work.”
There are other ways of feeding a baby when they are away from their breastfeeding parent, depending on their age and circumstances.
And by around a year, your baby’s diet will usually include a range of solid foods as well as breastfeeds.
If your baby doesn’t take milk while they’re away from you, they may simply breastfeed more when you are back together. Some babies who have previously slept through the night also start waking for a feed when their parent returns to work.
That doesn’t necessarily mean something has gone wrong.
They may simply be catching up on the closeness and milk they have missed during the day.
You haven’t failed
If your baby is refusing a bottle, it’s very easy to turn it into a problem that needs solving.
I understand why.
Perhaps you’re returning to work. Perhaps you want someone else to be able to feed your baby. Perhaps you need to leave your baby for an evening. Perhaps you simply want the reassurance that you could give a bottle if you needed to.
But your baby refusing a bottle doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong.
And it doesn’t mean you’ve left it too late.
Keep offering it when you can, without making every attempt a test.
Give your baby time to learn.
And give yourself permission for it not to work today.
Sometimes the bottle that didn’t work last week suddenly works this week.
Sometimes the person who couldn’t give it yesterday can give it tomorrow.
Sometimes it isn’t the bottle at all.
It’s the timing, the environment, the developmental stage – or simply the fact that your baby wasn’t ready.
What worked for you?
And if you’ve been through this yourself, I’d love to hear what worked for you.
Your experience might be exactly the reassurance another breastfeeding mum needs today.
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