To be really free to be who I want to be, I have had to learn to let go of what has been holding me back.
Even today, 3 months later, letting go feels disloyal.
I have been involved with NCT since 2002 – first as a branch volunteer, branch chair, then a student practitioner, a regional volunteer, regional chair, a qualified breastfeeding counsellor and in 2015, I was nominated for the role of NCT President.
The final chapter in #MyNCTStory
On 1 November, at precisely 4.22 in the afternoon, surrounded by the amazing women in my mastermind group, I decided to resign as an NCT breastfeeding counsellor.
Yet just 6 days earlier, I had attended an NCT Study Day on Developing your role. I had left that study day with detailed information about the pathway to NCT tutor: the in-house training I’d need to complete, the modules I’d need to study, the credits I’d need to prove, the investment (both time and financial), ideas on how to maintain and continue to improve my practice.
In just 6 days I moved from excitement to grief.
So what happened?
During the study day, one of the tutors asked “What do you need to say ‘No’ to in order to look after you?” At the time, a thought flickered through my head and I quickly pushed it aside. I didn’t want to hear it.
Six days later at my mastermind group, we shared our big vision, answering the question “who do you need to be to do what you want to do”.
I want to be powerful, strong, tenacious, persistent and focused. I want to be visible. I want to be a leader. I want to help other women to feel powerful, to have the confidence to make the right decisions and to be leaders in their own life. It’s important. It feels like a calling. It feels urgent.
It was the next questions that got to me …
“How will you make this happen?” “How can you create more time for yourself?” .
Then finally the killer question “What do you need to say ‘No’ to?”
Tears immediately filled my eyes. I knew instinctively. I knew straight away. And this time, I couldn’t brush the thought aside.
I need to let go to be really free
I need to let go and say No to NCT.
I reflected on how often I have had to leave business and networking events early (or not go at all) because I’m taking an evening class. How often I have rearranged my weekend or my day to fit in home visits. How many women does this enable me to support and empower? How many more women could I ‘touch’ if I train as a tutor?
But how many 100s more when I launch my TV show and channel. How many 100s more when I publish my Confident Leadership book? How much further will the ripples reach?
I am a “Go Big or Go Home” kind of girl. I could opt to do the minimum number of classes and support the minimum number of parents per year. I could opt out of offering antenatal sessions.
But if I do something, I want to do it ‘properly’. “Be small” “Do the minimum” is just not my style.
I absolutely LOVE being a breastfeeding counsellor. I love and honour all the parents that I have supported. I feel humbled and privileged every time a parent allows me into their home at a time when they are feeling vulnerable. I cherish and value the skills I have learned. I am amazed at how much knowledge I have acquired.
But it’s time for me to let go to be really free to do the work I really want to do. It’s all part of the importance of looking after No 1 first.
In order for me to be a leader of women, I need to look after No 1 first.
I need to let go to be really free.